Vindication

Now that may sound like a strong word, but golly, it sure explains how I feel at the moment. (And a heads up, this is an honest post more about the harder side of adoption. So, if you prefer the always positive adoption blogs, then skip this post.)

Let me explain. I got a phone call from one of our children’s teachers. “While ____ is a really well behaved student…” She went onto use words like lying, sneaky, trust, etc. Now they may sound harsh and make my readers wonder why I am vindicated about them. You see, she sees part of what we deal with pretty much on a daily basis.

Most kids who live/have lived with trauma learn to lie, cheat, and manipulate to survive. They learn to be award winning actors to make people like them and again to survive. This is just how it is, not their fault. But bring that home, to a home that is really trying to make a difference, to a forever home. Let it continue year after year. Have people judge your parenting “style” and feeling sorry for the said child gets rough. It gets tiring. Makes one want to give up standing for certain things they believe in and to not keep doing what they are doing. Makes one start to question themselves.

As a mom, I want to believe the best about my kids, each of them. I want to see the best in them. Yet, I personally almost get to the point where I feel like maybe we aren’t seeing what others are seeing. “Am I missing something?” “Am I being too hard?” These thoughts can really wreck havoc on my mind, when I let them. Then I get a phone call like the one tonight (Friday night) and my mind and heart begin to clear.

What goes on behind closed doors, is, well, behind closed doors. Most parents are truly good people who love their kids, each of them. They are honestly doing their best. Take that to the next level with foster/adoptive kids and things aren’t always as they seem. I’ve had one child lie at school saying that I don’t feed him/her; can they please have food…” Thankfully the teacher knew me, doubted this statement, and called to clarify . (This is just one of the multiple lies that have been told, acts that have been played, etc. to get one’s way.) So, please don’t judge (unless it’s definite child abuse). Unless you know what those parents go through every day, week after week, month after month…until you know what the kid/s are putting the parents through…until you know just how lonely these parents can feel many times. Please support them and trust that what they are doing is right for the child, right for the family. Please abide by their wishes, even if they don’t seem to make sense. We don’t want to tell everyone all that is going on with our child/children.

Tonight I am adding Mrs. F to my grateful list.

Lesson Learned

Okay, I am going to admit to something most, if not all, of you are going to face-palm yourselves over.

I download a malware onto our Mac three days ago and it has taken up most of my days. Literally. I have talked to three senior advisors. The first two, no fault of their own, felt satisfied that they had helped me remove the nasty beast. The third, bless his heart, spent a good part the day on the phone with me, trying everything he knew to help, all the while remaining as calm as if he was sitting in the shade sipping his favorite cool beverage enjoying everything about his view. Only at the end did he “lose his cool” with a  discouraged, “Man.” Needless to say, our Mac is still not fixed. I am running in “test” mode for now which is VERY limited at best. Our data, etc. has been sent to even higher Apple support. So, we wait.

While this whole thing has been going on I have learned a thing or two about computers and life:

*Apple products already have all that you need running in the background. No need to download web protection.

*BUT you HAVE to keep those updates up-to-date for all of the background goodies to function properly. I thought I had updated and was all good to go, but no. Now I know where I went wrong and will be much more on top of it from here on out.

*Apple has a parental setting and guest mode. No need for added filters.

*If you do want/need to download something onto your Apple, download it from the App Store and NOT the internet. The same web protection (K9 Web Protection) is available in the App Store. However, the ones outside the store well, you see where that got me.

*Apple’s staff (via phone) were all very nice and helpful with the exception of one gal. Maybe it was me too just getting frustrated at the whole situation.

*One’s back, elbow and ear can get mighty sore from sitting at a desk and talking on the phone all day. Again, those dear Apple workers. Their backs and ears must hurt after working all day.

*I also learned a thing or two about where to find this and that on our Mac. Very helpful. We have no Apple Store nearby and don’t have anyone we know of by us who can come over and show us what the heck we are doing. We usually make a long distance call to one friend and one family member for Apple help.

Overall, even though the malware really stinks, I had to buy a new external hard drive, I have spent MANY hours on the phone and thus a bit behind on my house work, I feel like a more confident Mac user.

(If my grammar is off on this post, which is highly likely, please excuse it for the next few days. I don’t have Grammarly to help correct my writing until I get this whole thing worked out. Thanks.)