​Just a Mom

First, I’d like to welcome my new readers! So nice to have you here.

A few weeks ago I was listening to a podcast called “Why I Write”. While introducing the guest author, the host listed a very long list of awards and credentials that accompanied this guest author. He then followed it up by saying let me read what she wrote in her bio herself.

It made me pause and think, what are my credentials, my titles? What would my bio be if I took away the wife and mom title? Who am I when I am not fulfilling those roles?

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I know I am a born again Christain, who has been saved and forgiven by grace. I am a sister to two, a half sister to three, a stepsister to two, a sister-in-law to many. I am a daughter, a friend, a lover. I have been a teacher, a nurse, a manager, a pet owner, an honor roll student, a dancer, a child from a broken home. I have loved and lost. I have tried and failed. I am not good at sports and am completely happy watching others play while cheering from the crowd. I have been in a band, worked fast food, even acted in church skits. I have been a makeup artist, a short-lived runner, and have traveled to about ten different states, and a few countries. I have been a domestic diva, a hobbyist writer, DIYer, an experimental gardener, a digital scrapbooker, and designer. I have planned and hosted many parties, showers, and even a wedding reception. I once was a military wife, a latch-key-kid, and a school bus rider. I have worn more used clothes than new, drank more tea than coffee, probably more sweets than veggies. I have wanted to be a fashion designer, architect, criminal investigator, judge, social worker, a speech pathologist, a writer when I grow up. I like to cook and bake. Being alone refreshes me. I am somewhere in between an introvert and well, a social introvert. I love to read and learn new things. Meeting new people both excites me and makes me feel very vulnerable. I can love for a very long time, yet put up walls when there is too much pain. I love working with people/kids with special needs and am raising two or three now. My heart can be much bigger than my reality. I like to be outside, just not in the sun or the wind or the heat or the freezing cold, or pouring rain. I am steady, faithful and honest. I try to hide my feelings but usually fail. I find it hard to be patient with people who have a lot of drama. I have been sick and healthy. I have gotten lost more than I care to admit. I sometimes wish I could sing and draw, paint much better than I can. I have cleaned more poopy underwear than I ever thought I was capable of. I have mothered children with health and behavioral issues I thought I was too weak to handle. I have also mothered children who have shown me just how weak I am.

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I am all of these things, have done all of these things and more. Yet, when it comes down to it who I am IS really a Christain, a wife, and a mom. All of the rest is just extra. I am completely fine with being “just” a mom!

 

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Reminders

As I am finally coming out of a bad cold, (It more or less knocked all energy out from under me for a few days.) my mind is able to piece together some recent reminders of where were still are.

Tomorrow is our adoption day…two years tomorrow! Sometimes it feels like yesterday others it feels like a lifetime ago.

Making our youngest’s freshly laundered bed tonight, I see the remnants of the use and abuse 12-14 weeks of leg casts did on his poor fitted sheet. I really need to buy him a new one. I am reminded of a hard mountain we climbed and conquered. The tests that were taken, the fears that were calmed, the friends we made.

In moments like the extremely ROUGH 30 minutes of yesterday morning, (Tears, tantrums, yelling, more tears, kicking, desperation, utter helplessness, complete silence, some of which was done on the way to the therapist’s office.) I am reminded of the damage done to our kiddos way before “us”. That we are not yet done with the healing process. That this may take longer than we’d like and we are in it for the long haul. Trying not to sit and stew a bitter stew with what the bio parents left for us to handle, to make do with, the chaos that is sometimes our life, the brokenness that comes screaming through an otherwise normal day.

Take our pee stained toilet that no one wants to clean. You have lots of boys you say. To us, it’s a reminder of the filth our kids grew up in that we are struggling to remove from their DNA.

These are powerful, sometimes little, sometimes halting and consuming reminders of not only where we are but how far we’ve come in just shy of three years together. Thankfully, these reminders are getting fewer and fewer. God has helped us tremendously. Honestly, while I can live without most of the reminders, I hope to never forget how far we’ve come. Never to lose sight of the deep valleys we have scratched our way out of. Never to lose the revelation of God’s ever giving grace to our lives.