As I am finally coming out of a bad cold, (It more or less knocked all energy out from under me for a few days.) my mind is able to piece together some recent reminders of where were still are.
Tomorrow is our adoption day…two years tomorrow! Sometimes it feels like yesterday others it feels like a lifetime ago.
Making our youngest’s freshly laundered bed tonight, I see the remnants of the use and abuse 12-14 weeks of leg casts did on his poor fitted sheet. I really need to buy him a new one. I am reminded of a hard mountain we climbed and conquered. The tests that were taken, the fears that were calmed, the friends we made.
In moments like the extremely ROUGH 30 minutes of yesterday morning, (Tears, tantrums, yelling, more tears, kicking, desperation, utter helplessness, complete silence, some of which was done on the way to the therapist’s office.) I am reminded of the damage done to our kiddos way before “us”. That we are not yet done with the healing process. That this may take longer than we’d like and we are in it for the long haul. Trying not to sit and stew a bitter stew with what the bio parents left for us to handle, to make do with, the chaos that is sometimes our life, the brokenness that comes screaming through an otherwise normal day.
Take our pee stained toilet that no one wants to clean. You have lots of boys you say. To us, it’s a reminder of the filth our kids grew up in that we are struggling to remove from their DNA.
These are powerful, sometimes little, sometimes halting and consuming reminders of not only where we are but how far we’ve come in just shy of three years together. Thankfully, these reminders are getting fewer and fewer. God has helped us tremendously. Honestly, while I can live without most of the reminders, I hope to never forget how far we’ve come. Never to lose sight of the deep valleys we have scratched our way out of. Never to lose the revelation of God’s ever giving grace to our lives.